


Alone in the Darkness

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Episode Related, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-05
Updated: 2004-05-05
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian waits for Justin, and thinks about where there relationship is going. Set at the end of episode 218.





	Alone in the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

It's nighttime in Pittsburgh, a dark still night. And it's cold out. There aren't many people out on the street. They're all curled up at home. It's a bizarre sort of night with a hint of mystery. There's something in the air, like the night is waiting for something. No one knows what it is, but every one can feel it, pressing down on the city like a thick fog. And it's quiet in a loft of Tremont. Only one blue light is on, casting the whole place in a strange, surreal glow. Nothing even seems real here. It is always just a dream, always an illusion, always just out of reach. This place is the stuff that legends are born from. The sounds in the loft are muffled and faint, a bottle opening, Jim Beam being poured into a glass, bare feet shuffling across the floor. There is only one figure in the loft this night. He stands at the window, his forehead resting against the cool pane, and looks out into the night. He too is waiting for something, waiting for the young man who shares his loft, his bed, his life.

He has the most amazing hazel eyes, which can display a wide range of emotions when he lets them, which isn't often. Most of the time they are dark and unreadable. He has a reputation to keep up. He can't let anyone know that deep beneath that hardened exterior he actually has a heart. But tonight is not like most nights. Tonight his eyes say a thousand different things all at the same time because there is no one there to catch him. He has always done this, this hiding thing, though it has gotten harder. Tonight his eyes speak of fear, and sadness, and anxiety. He knows that he is poised on the edge of something big. What that is remains to be seen. All will be revealed soon, and he's not looking forward to it. He's knows that he's not going to like whatever life has in store for him next.

It's a little late, but Brian could go to Babylon if he wanted to. It wouldn't be hard to find some trick who would be willing to fulfill his needs, it never is, but he's not in the mood, not tonight. He needs to be here. Tonight all he wants is Justin. Only Justin isn't there. Brian is a bit surprised. He's actually staying home one night, and Justin isn't even there to enjoy it. Brian wants to be annoyed, but realistically he knows that he can't, because there's no way Justin could have known that he wants to make up for the night before. Justin probably wouldn't believe him anyway. He would think it was just making fun of his desire to be a real couple again. Anyway, Brian is the one who is always telling him that he's too young to settle down. He needs to go out and enjoy his life. It's easy to say that, but all Brian really wants is to have Justin back in his arms. He wants to fuck him in every possible position and every possible location in their home. It could go on all night, and then some. But Justin isn't there, so Brian is trapped in a loft where memories press down upon him. Brian doesn't want to give into the temptation. He doesn't want to think about where their relation ship is going, or not going.

He wonders how long Justin is going to put up with his shit. Brian is sometimes amazed that he has lasted this long. Anyone else would have cracked under all the crap that Brian knows how to dish out, but Justin isn't just anyone, which is why Brian needs him. And it's true that Brian needs him. He admits it when he's honest with himself, although that doesn't happen very often. It's not supposed to be this way. He's Brian Kinney, and he's not supposed to give a shit. But he does, and he shouldn't, but he can't help it, which is why it hurts so much sometimes. He can try all he likes to hide from the truth, but it always finds him. Brian knows that he loves Justin, that he's in love with him. Impossible as it may seem, it's true. It has been this way for a long time, at least since the prom. Maybe it has been even longer, he's not really sure. Brian can't pinpoint when Justin turned from one night stand to fuck-buddy, to boyfriend, partner, lover, whatever the hell you want to call it. It doesn't really matter because they're here, wherever here is.

Brian decides that it's all the shit that Mikey is going through that is making all this go through his head again. He knows what it's like to be in that position. He knows all to well how it feels to have someone you care about almost taken away from him with nothing he can do to help. Brian remembered the frantic actions Mikey had taken as he tore his room apart. Brian knew that he had acted the same way when Justin was in the hospital, though no one had seen him like that. Brian had wanted to comfort Mikey, tell him the things he needed to hear, but he couldn't get the words to leave his throat, not there at least. It was easier later, at the hospital when it was just the two of them. He could open up more when he was with his best friend. Michael knew it all already. Brian hadn't expected to choke up when he started talking about those three days he had spent sitting in that very hospital, the longest fucking days of his life. Brian had thought that he had come to terms with the memories, that he could handle it, but standing there in the hallway brought it all back to him. It all hurt just as much as much as it had then. Brian knew that he wouldn't have made it through those terrible dark days without his best friend at his side.

Brian turns away from the window at last. He has to stop thinking about these things before he goes crazy. He's getting frustrated because time passes so slowly and Justin isn't back yet. Justin is well within their arranged time, but doesn't he know, can't he feel that Brian is calling out to him, that he needs him so much it's painful. To try and pass the time, Brian decides to get some work done. He pours a glass of wine and sits at the desk, but it's useless he can't concentrate on this shit tonight. Instead, his mind wanders back to Justin. What is happening to them? Where are they going? Justin has broken down so many of his walls, more than he knows probably. The only problem is that there seem to be cracks in the wall that is their relationship. How big are the cracks, and can they be fixed? Brian doesn't have the answers. He can only close his eyes and hope that everything turns out as it should. The clock slowly moves forward, and after what seems like an eternity, the door slides open.


End file.
